The 6 most important men in a womans life!!
THE DOCTOR-because he says " Take you clothes off!"
THE DENTIST-beacuse he says"Open wide!"
THE MILKMAN-because he says"Do you like it in the front or back?"
THE HAIRDRESSER-because he says"Do you want it teased or blown?"
THE INTERIOR DECORATOR-because he says"Once it's in you'll love it!"
THE BANKER-because he says" if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"
Ques : What is SEX ??
Ans: SEX is :
like nokia ( connecting people )
like nike ( just do it )
like pepsi ( yeh dil mange more )
like samsung ( everyone is invited )
like coke ( ENJOY ! )
Things Not To Say During Sex
1-But everybody looks funny naked!
2-You woke me up for that?
3-A little rug burn never hurt anyone!
4-Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
5-But whipped cream makes me break out.
6-Person 1: This is your first time... right? Person 2: Yeah... today.
7-Hurry up! This room rents by the hour!
8-Can you please pass me the remote control?
9-Do you accept Visa?
10-On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
11-Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober... 12-Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!
13-But I just brushed my teeth...
14-Smile, you're on Candid Camera!
15-I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
16-I want a baby!
17-Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
18-When is this supposed to feel good?
19-You're good enough to do this for a living!
20-Did I remember to take my pill?
22-Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?
23-I wish we got the Playboy channel...
24-That leak better be from the waterbed!
25-I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!
26-But my cat always sleeps on that pillow..
27-Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
28-If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.
29-No, really... I do this part better myself!
30-It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!
31-You're almost as good as my ex!
32-Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
33-They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash.
34-Now I know why he/she dumped you...
35-Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?36-What tampon?
37-Have you ever considered liposuction?
38-And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!
39-What are you planning to make for breakfast?
40-I have a confession...
41-I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!
42-Are those real or am I just behind the times?
43-Did I mention my transsexual operation?
44-I really hate women who actually think sex means something!
45-Did you come yet, dear?
46-I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me 47-who you're fantasizing about...
48-A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!
49-Does this count as a date?
50-Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like... Woman: Yourself?
51-Have you seen ''Fatal Attraction''?
52-Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names.
53-You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!
54-Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO! 55-Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...
56-So that's why they call you Mr. Flash!
57-My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!
58-Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?
59-Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...
60-How long do you plan to be ''almost there''?
SEX IS GOOD
SEX IS FINE
JUST FOR FUN
OR GETTING PAID
SEX IS LIKE MATHS
YOU SUBTRACT THE CLOTHES
ADD THE BED
DIVIDE THE LEGS
Try these Pick-Up Lines.....
I couldn't help but notice you noticing me
I lost my number can I have yours.
I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.
Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!
Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.
When I marry you I wonder if God will be mad that I stole one of his angels.
Do you have a quarter? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams
You look like a girl that has heard every line in the book, so what's one more going to hurt?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Come on, you can't get pregnant again.
Should I call you for breakfast or will you like cook it for me?.
Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
My love for you is like diaharrea, I just can't hold it in
I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.
You have some nice jewelry. It would look good on my nightstand.
Do you have a map?" "I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
Do you have a library card? Good, cause I wanna check you out!
I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like to "tinker" around with.
Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
I never knew Barbie Dolls came fully grown.
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
I'm no glass of milk but I can still do your body good.
Someone call the cops cuz is got to be illegal to look that good!
If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room
Was you dad a farmer? Cause you sure have great melons.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
There were 11 women holding on to a rope hanging from the helicopter which had rescued them. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette.
The pilot yelled to them that one person should let go of the rope, or the rope might break and everyone would die.
They couldn't decide who should go until finally the brunette volunteered to make the sacrifice. She gave a very moving speech, saying she would let go to spare her friends.
Even before she could release her grip, all the blondes started clapping...
Blonde's Cooking Diary :-
It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.
The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress.
What a surprise when Bob brought a friend home for supper.
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice.
It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.
Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving.
Which is what led up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the garden?
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in bowl and beat it.
There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
Bob did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).
For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten.
Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast. All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast.
It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
Good night Dear Diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob. If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.